How do I handle being bullied?

 
  sydnytrains Chief Commissioner

Location: McDonalds Front counter serving customers
Hi all.

At school in WA, there are a small amount of kids who I used consider 'friends' that continuously make fun of my genuine interest in railways. They've made countless 'memes' about me (none of which have gone viral) and my interest in the hobby. And it's getting to the point now that its becoming an on going thing now. I also get a few racial remarks made to me (since Im a half cast between Australian and Fijian descents). And even though I tell these people that the interest of railways is much more than 'just a good train ride' (as they describe it), they don't listen and continue to bully and harass me, normally in front of everyone.

I thought I'd post on RP because Im sure a few other members have had these experiences before, and I'd like to listen to their advice.

So I'd like to know how to deal with these morons. Because I've tried ignoring them and it doesn't work. I've tried being sarcastic and it doesn't work. I've even tried agreeing with them and that doesn't work. And now, I really don't enjoy going to school because of it.

Any help would great, thanks. Smile

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  xxxxlbear Token Booking Clerk

Location: Geelong
Issue 1: I have no idea what the heck memes are, but I suggest you get a new group of friends, and stop hanging around the so called friends that you have. They aren't friends if they are making fun of you.

Issue 2: Suggest letting a senior teacher / counsellor / head master know. And your parents.
I have no idea hwo old you are, or what year you are in at school, but the simplest option would be to change schools.
You may not be able to do that, so the next best thing is to ignore it.....and dont let yourself get into situations where you can be bullied.
If you react, you are playing into their hands - a reaction is exactly what they want. If you don't give them the pleasure of a reaction, then they will, sooner or later, get bored and move onto somebody else.
And avoid hanging around playgrounds or other open areas where you are by yourself, and where verbally abusive kids can get at you without there being a responsible adult nearby. They won't have the guts to have a go at you with a teacher nearby.
  dthead Site Admin

Location: Melbourne, Australia
Yes I were bulllied at school. A common experiance of many railfans. What to do is out of my hands as I do not want to give bad advise. But do know you are not the only one, and you will get over it if you already have that in mind. People do grow up.

Manyh points, none in any order or usefullness:

* Talk to your parents
* Talk to the teacher/counsellor at school - hard to as any actions may result from these bullies.
* Find a model railway club, a real railway society, a miniature railway club and join, seeking similar aged people you can get on with a common intererst.
* ensure they do not cyber bully.

* Do not bottle it up.
* Do talk to someone at the school, a family memeber, a friend, or someone professional that you can find.
* And do  the schooling and do not let it slip away from you.

Important to remember Railpage cannot truly solve the problems, some will be helpful, a lot will not be interested. Even my advise should be taken carefully.

Regards,
David Head
  sydnytrains Chief Commissioner

Location: McDonalds Front counter serving customers
Hello.

Thanks xxxxlbear and dthead for some good points. I do appreciate it very much. Smile

I'll take it into consideration for tomorrow.

And also, for xxxxlbear, a meme is like a stereotypical saying or judgement (Im not sure if that's the right word) on something or someone. And Im 15, in Year 10.
  Poath Junction Chief Commissioner

Location: In front of a computer most of the time.
Some helpful advice is available from the beyondblue website : http://www.youthbeyondblue.com/factsheets-and-info/fact-sheet-20-bullying/
  allambee Chief Train Controller

Tip. Don't talk about trains at senior high school.
Leave your hobby outside the school gate.
  Typhon Assistant Commissioner

Location: I'm that freight train tearing through the sky in the clouds.
Hi all.

At school in WA, there are a small amount of kids who I used consider 'friends' that continuously make fun of my genuine interest in railways. They've made countless 'memes' about me (none of which have gone viral) and my interest in the hobby. And it's getting to the point now that its becoming an on going thing now. I also get a few racial remarks made to me (since Im a half cast between Australian and Fijian descents). And even though I tell these people that the interest of railways is much more than 'just a good train ride' (as they describe it), they don't listen and continue to bully and harass me, normally in front of everyone.

I thought I'd post on RP because Im sure a few other members have had these experiences before, and I'd like to listen to their advice.

So I'd like to know how to deal with these morons. Because I've tried ignoring them and it doesn't work. I've tried being sarcastic and it doesn't work. I've even tried agreeing with them and that doesn't work. And now, I really don't enjoy going to school because of it.

Any help would great, thanks. Smile
sydnytrains

So when they bully and harass you in front of everyone, what is everyone's reaction? Do they laugh and join in or is the reaction generally ambivalent and uncaring? They probably wont be invested enough to stand up for you, but hopefully they're not motivated enough to join in.

I'm no psychologist but it's probably best you tone down the whole railways loving thing then. Dont advertise it and give them any more ammo. Laugh it off and they'll eventually get tired. As for the racial thing, that's probably more a by product of the railway geek thing. Basically you MUST NOT REACT. Dont justify, reason or argue. Bullying is all about getting a reaction from you and any onlookers. If they get a reaction from you, it's hilarious and an added bonus if everyone else laughs and enjoys the moment. If you dont provide a reaction dollars to donuts the onlookers will grow bored very quickly and move on, and your bullies or friends or whatever will look to something else. Hopefully in your case, someone else.

Be friendly and open with your classmates and find other things to talk about. Leave the trains thing at home. If your Facebook pic is of a train, change it.

If it's only very recent then you might stand a chance but if this is a long term thing over several years then there's probably little you can do. Change schools. You only have once chance to make friends very early at a school and get accepted into a social clique or get ostracized and/or bullied.  

Is there a school/student councilor you can see privately? They can give you better advice I'm sure. Dont go to your teachers or parents (at the very least it's a last resort), you'll be seen a dobber and that doesnt go down very well with kids.

Actually while I'm here, do your mates know they're being bullies and that you don't like it? Have you asked them to stop? It could be simple mucking around and you're making too big a deal of it.
  don_dunstan The Ghost of George Stephenson

Location: Adelaide proud
You have no idea when you are young about how transient life really is - I know it sounds like a cliche but nothing lasts.  What's really important to you now won't matter a fig to you in another ten or even five years.  Its seems really overwhelming when its happening to you but believe me you won't be at school for much longer and once you are out of it you totally forget about EVERYONE you met at school even your old friends.  It's weird how quickly you forget about all those people (and make new friends at work or uni) once you don't have school in common anymore.

ALSO - stay off of places like Facebook, believe me, you are better off not on it.  I'm so glad they never had anything as horrible and intrusive as that when I was at school.
  xxxxlbear Token Booking Clerk

Location: Geelong
Hello.

Thanks xxxxlbear and dthead for some good points. I do appreciate it very much. Smile

I'll take it into consideration for tomorrow.

And also, for xxxxlbear, a meme is like a stereotypical saying or judgement (Im not sure if that's the right word) on something or someone. And Im 15, in Year 10.
sydnytrains
Thanks for that.
Now I think I know what a meme is Smile
  RTT_Rules Oliver Bullied, CME

Location: Dubai UAE
Tip. Don't talk about trains at senior high school.
Leave your hobby outside the school gate.
allambee
Pretty much did the same and even in the various groups of friends since leaving school its generally a subject I don't bring up unless I know there is mutal interest. In Gladstone a number of people I was friends with either were truck drivers, owned trucks or pro truck, also completely opposite politically. But if I just kept these two topics to myself when with them, we had a great time camping, boating and drinking. The older couple, parents of a friend who owned trucks insisted strongly my nowwife and I had our engagement party at their place, so gives you an idea of the relationship between us, just don't mention trains and politics and I mentioned same to my dad to prevent any issues.

but as others suggestion, don't bottle up. Join a rail orientated club or clubs to express, develop and enjoy your rail interests.
  sydnytrains Chief Commissioner

Location: McDonalds Front counter serving customers
Thank you all for giving suggestions. Really appreciated. I had thought people would take my interest with a bit of maturity, but it seems that didn't work. Anyway, I really do appreciate your help. Smile
  Calgully Deputy Commissioner

Location:
Tip. Don't talk about trains at senior high school.
Leave your hobby outside the school gate.
allambee

I think its actually important to be yourself.  If you're interested in trains than that's who you are.

If others don't like that - then that's actually their problem - not yours.

How many others might there be at your school that are also interested in trains - but you dont know it because they have left their hobby at the school gate and never mentioned it?  It would be sad to think that there might be others with whom you could share your interest but you didn't know them because of the bullies.

Obviously I wouldn't go overboard about things - if someone tells you they're not interested then fair enough.  But I'd suggest the majority at your school have not said that, and its just possible in fact likely that there are some who might be interested at least to some extent.

Be yourself.  Others might learn something.

And don't forget, even if it mightn't seem like it, you're not alone.  There are lots and lots of Railfans like you here at Railpage and in all sorts of other places on the web and in the real world.
  Watson374 Chief Commissioner

Location: Fully reclined at the pointy end.
I had a similar issue, but it never escalated to this point. Essentially, my friends know I'm a bit bent into transport, and give me a bit of stick over it, but it doesn't go beyond that. Mainly because they all come running back to me thirty seconds later trying to use me as 131500 Pro Edition, but this isn't about me...

If you really feel uncomfortable, please don't bottle it up - seek some advice and at least notify the school you feel that these clowns are harassing you. Generally, as a rule of thumb, avoid going on about it as our interest area is something of a minority one, but don't let this destroy your hobby. I really don't think they deserve to be considered friends if they're pushing you to this point.

I suppose the ideal compromise would be for them to quit giving you stick about it, and you not over-burden them with mention of it. This is a win-win situation, but it's never that simple, is it?

Ultimately, it's your life and your hobby. If it keeps you happy, keep doing it. Screw the haters.
  cootanee Chief Commissioner

Location: North of the border!
I think its actually important to be yourself.  If you're interested in trains than that's who you are.

If others don't like that - then that's actually their problem - not yours.

How many others might there be at your school that are also interested in trains - but you dont know it because they have left their hobby at the school gate and never mentioned it?  It would be sad to think that there might be others with whom you could share your interest but you didn't know them because of the bullies.

Obviously I wouldn't go overboard about things - if someone tells you they're not interested then fair enough.  But I'd suggest the majority at your school have not said that, and its just possible in fact likely that there are some who might be interested at least to some extent.

Be yourself.  Others might learn something.

And don't forget, even if it mightn't seem like it, you're not alone.  There are lots and lots of Railfans like you here at Railpage and in all sorts of other places on the web and in the real world.
Calgully
In a perfect adult world (live and let live, mutual respect etc, etc) I would agree.

However for high school adolescents (and even many 'adult' groups)...

Maybe it's natures way to enforce conformity. If you stand out (different to the norm) the pack turns on you.

Go along with the crowd and get along - you'll be in an adults world in a few years. In the meantime it's just not worth the grief (from personal experience).
  don_dunstan The Ghost of George Stephenson

Location: Adelaide proud
In a perfect adult world (live and let live, mutual respect etc, etc) I would agree.

However for high school adolescents (and even many 'adult' groups)...

Maybe it's natures way to enforce conformity. If you stand out (different to the norm) the pack turns on you.

Go along with the crowd and get along - you'll be in an adults world in a few years. In the meantime it's just not worth the grief (from personal experience).
cootanee
I think teasing is part and parcel of the vindictive social world of teenagers.

I got teased mercilessly by a girl at school (yes, a girl) and because it was a small town she was in the same schools as me from about grade four nearly all the way to year ten... the last few years I had sort of learned enough comebacks to put her in her place but when I was younger it was really un-nerving and embarrassing to be bullied by a girl.  She was in the 'in' crowd and used to be immaculately groomed and very popular; she went to a private boarding school at the start of year eleven and I didn't see her again.

Anyway several years ago I was back in my 'home' town visiting family and lo and behold, the same woman in front of me in the queue at Coles; I think she recognised me as well but we chose to ignore each other.

She went from being hot sh*t at school, popular with everyone and pretty to being an obvious ugly bogan frump who never rolled far from the tree.  She was wearing ugg boots and pyjama bottoms (can't you at least put trakkies and runners on when you are buying a carton of Alpines at Coles?) and she looked at least eight stone heavier than I remembered her.  I felt kind-of sorry for her; she looked like crap and even her hair looked like it badly needed a wash - then again she was incredibly cruel to me in primary school and there was a tinge of naughty satisfaction in seeing how time and fate had been really unkind to her.
  Typhon Assistant Commissioner

Location: I'm that freight train tearing through the sky in the clouds.
So I guess it's not just me where I've noticed many of the hot girls (the 'in' crowd, the fashionistas, etc) from my school years are really quite average now (roughly 10 years on), ageing horribly and pushing out kids, and the girls who you wouldn't have glanced twice at in school are drop dead spectacular?
  don_dunstan The Ghost of George Stephenson

Location: Adelaide proud
So I guess it's not just me where I've noticed many of the hot girls (the 'in' crowd, the fashionistas, etc) from my school years are really quite average now (roughly 10 years on), ageing horribly and pushing out kids, and the girls who you wouldn't have glanced twice at in school are drop dead spectacular?
Typhon

This goes back to my earlier post: I literally never saw any of the people I used to go to school with ever again with the exception of two mates who I also stopped seeing several years ago because we just didn't have anything in common any more (apart from the fact that we went to the same school).  It seems to be a fairly common thing that you don't stay in touch with school people, I have friends from uni and post-uni days who are much more enduring.

It was pure coincidence that I should have seen the bully in-crowd girl from school again and even then it was very briefly; I have no idea what happened to the majority of people - even the friends that you think you'll have forever.  I did happen to see the mother of a really nerdy girl I knew from school on another occasion and she told me her daughter was a big-time corporate auditor; so I guess being in the 'in' crowd is certainly no predictor of career success.
  sydnytrains Chief Commissioner

Location: McDonalds Front counter serving customers
When I was in Year 5, there was a group who would verbally attack me on the odd occasion (not for my interest of railways, but past occasions with them). In 2010, when I was in year 7, I saw them again at Plumpton Market place (I used to go to RJAS, they were from some other school), and by the way they were dressed, the whole lot of them looked rundown and worn out. They approached me when I was in Maccas, with there 'tactics'. I laughed at them, and the front counter people told them to leave, due to there inconvenience and abuse towards other customers, my school and Plumpton high kids were verbally attacked the most that day by those kids). It was actually quite funny seeing them again though. It reminded me how much time has passed, and with the stories above, how the most well known kids went from being the best, to being the most rundown kids in a very rapid time.
  Watson374 Chief Commissioner

Location: Fully reclined at the pointy end.
So I guess it's not just me where I've noticed many of the hot girls (the 'in' crowd, the fashionistas, etc) from my school years are really quite average now (roughly 10 years on), ageing horribly and pushing out kids, and the girls who you wouldn't have glanced twice at in school are drop dead spectacular?
"Typhon"
The problem with this logic arises when you have a school career like mine, where the pretty faces are also academically successful.
  don_dunstan The Ghost of George Stephenson

Location: Adelaide proud
The problem with this logic arises when you have a school career like mine, where the pretty faces are also academically successful.
Watson374

Being 'pretty' or 'handsome' is linked to success in life; there's no doubt about that - there are lot of studies that confirm this to be true.

However I think it only gets you so far.  I think if you rely on that to get you through you'll probably fail or get found out; as Typhon alluded to, it's interesting to note how some people lose their looks through drinking/smoking/over-eating while others (who you think are the 'plain' girls/boys at school) blossom once they leave that artificial environment and become functional adults.

I used to be friends with a woman (a psychologist actually) who was terribly vain and used to like to compare herself to other women a lot and observe how much prettier and fitter she was.  The problem with this attitude is that (especially with women) you can't look ageless and svelte forever and last time I saw her (surprise surprise) she was thinking about having a tit lift/bum lift.  I think there was a hint of a middle-aged crisis coming on and unfortunately if you try and get by in life by trading on your looks eventually you'll run out of currency.
  Albert Chief Commissioner

Experienced the same thing at School. I used it to my advantage in high school. Kids were teasing me about how I played with model trains. I played along, found out several had train sets themselves, Parents buying sets for them at Christmas kind of stuff. Strung them along a bit and offered a token amount if they would sell the stuff to me. Conned the little bastards out of $800 worth of Powerline and Lima models for $35.

Another time a right cross was involved, I strongly not recommend such in this day and age. Wink

It's not easy to take it and/or just laugh it off. If you let it stew it will get the better of you. Talk it over with your parents or close family. As other have said leaving your interests at the school gate helps. With the exception of actual school work, just zone out.
  Watson374 Chief Commissioner

Location: Fully reclined at the pointy end.
Conned the little bastards out of $800 worth of Powerline and Lima models for $35.
"Albert"
EPIC WINNING
  D3621 Locomotive Driver

Location: Castlemaine Vic
Tip. Don't talk about trains at senior high school.
Leave your hobby outside the school gate.
allambee
I would disagree there allambee,

I am 18 years old and in year 12 at the moment. I've loved trains my entire life and i am a massive rail enthusiast. I have been bullied my entire life over my passion about trains. Only this year have I been fully comfortable in talking about my hobby, the only way I have gotten over the bulling is that the tip is Don't give a crap about what others think about you. Who cares if you like different things than your classmates. You should be proud of what your hobby is BE YOURSELF.
Another tip is dont reply to them if you dont reply or react to it they will eventually tire and go away.
  sydnytrains Chief Commissioner

Location: McDonalds Front counter serving customers
I agree with both statements. It is partially my fault for exposing my interest, however I don't talk in-depth, or even at all about trains unless someone ask's me. However, I am unique my school (not on RP), since 95% of students usually go out, party and even a small % of students take drugs/smoke pot/weed (as they claim).

Across from my school (Living Waters Lutheran College) is Warnbro High, apparently known for kids 'jigging'. Similar to my old school in Sydney. I went to a private school (Richard Johnson Anglican School) and about a 5 min walk down Hyatts road was Plumpton High. Something in common, is that my new school hates Warnbro high and my old school hates Plumpton High, something I find amusing. However back on topic ....

I definitely agree with D3621 and allambee's statements. I agree that I should've kept my interests and hobbies outside of school gates, however, I think that my interest shouldn't be completely forbidden, as I've been interested in railway rollingstock since I was about 2-3 months (as my parents and older relatives say). In Kindergarten, I started to memorise what the target plates for the CityRail electric stock were (since I was suspended how many times due to my anger issues when I was young), in Year 3, I memorised carriage numbers and their histories etc, so forth so on. So trains are basically my life, they've crafted my future (since Im deciding to take a railway engineering path for Year 11 next year and Year 12. So I believe these people should grow up and gain some maturity basically. But I so thank you for your suggestions.
  Watson374 Chief Commissioner

Location: Fully reclined at the pointy end.
What 3l diesel said.

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