How do I handle being bullied?

 
  Braddo Deputy Commissioner

Location: Narre Warren
I'm sorry to hear you've been bullied, I know how unpleasant it can be. My advice would be don't pretend to be someone else, if your interest is in trains then you should be proud of that. Stand up to anyone who gives you a hard time, they are picking on you because they see you as an easy target. Take self defence or martial arts classes if necessary, you need to show these people you will not put up with their cr4p.

All the best.

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  cootanee Chief Commissioner

Location: North of the border!
I'm sorry to hear you've been bullied, I know how unpleasant it can be. My advice would be don't pretend to be someone else, if your interest is in trains then you should be proud of that. Stand up to anyone who gives you a hard time, they are picking on you because they see you as an easy target. Take self defence or martial arts classes if necessary, you need to show these people you will not put up with their cr4p.

All the best.
Braddo

This isn't the 70's. You can't go around punching people in the face to win an argument or make a point. Can you out bully the bullies Question

Keep it in perspective and don't make yourself a target - your hobby doesn't need to define who you are. As an adult you'll learn that you need to show a different face to different groups to fit in (i.e. play the game).

Remember you have to interact with the other students every school day. Take on the world you'll probably lose.
  sydnytrains Chief Commissioner

Location: McDonalds Front counter serving customers
Well I did TKD for 2 years in Sydney before I moved to Perth, however, I only fight if the other person/s take the first hit on me. I don't take the first hit, unless someone really irritates me. And even then, if you take the first hit at my school, there's a much larger possibility of being expelled, rather than just performing self defence. And being expelled would probably be one of the worst things to happen at this point of my life.

However, I do see where Braddo comes from. To shut bullies up sometimes needs physical work done 80% of the time, especially those who make stereotypical comments. Though I'm not known to always hit people in an argument. I just call them names that they don't like (not swear worded names) just so they get the point. Just, I don't think winning an argument is enough to actually hit someone. Wink
  David Peters Dr Beeching

Location: "With Hey Boy".
So you are getting bullied at school because you have a hobby. What a disgusting thing to hear, you have something to occupy your mind and they have nothing. Easy to see who will be the better person in the long run though.

I had this problem when I was at school years ago and solved it the easy way, I found out a couple of my teachers were into modelling not railways but model planes, ships or cars. So you just got to know the teachers a bit better. I had one bright spark student come up to me one day and decide to tear a strip off, of me about my hobby. Well he started to and then one of the teachers with a hobby stepped in and simply said to him and I quote " What do you do in your spare time to keep yourself occupied". The bully started to mumble something and the teacher then said really loud so that quite a few could hear it " Just as I thought another useless A hole that will not be able to fix a leaking tap or something".

The student was still mumbling some kind of excuse when again the teacher said to him, "I have model planes, why don't you try it on me". By this time all and sundry around the place were laughing not at me but at the bully. He slunk off never to be a bully again, well not with me he wasn't.  It also helped that our science laboratory technician was into model trains as well so I could join him for lunch in the science techs room and we could shoot the bull a bit.
  sydnytrains Chief Commissioner

Location: McDonalds Front counter serving customers
So you are getting bullied at school because you have a hobby. What a disgusting thing to hear, you have something to occupy your mind and they have nothing. Easy to see who will be the better person in the long run though.

I had this problem when I was at school years ago and solved it the easy way, I found out a couple of my teachers were into modelling not railways but model planes, ships or cars. So you just got to know the teachers a bit better. I had one bright spark student come up to me one day and decide to tear a strip off, of me about my hobby. Well he started to and then one of the teachers with a hobby stepped in and simply said to him and I quote " What do you do in your spare time to keep yourself occupied". The bully started to mumble something and the teacher then said really loud so that quite a few could hear it " Just as I thought another useless A hole that will not be able to fix a leaking tap or something".

The student was still mumbling some kind of excuse when again the teacher said to him, "I have model planes, why don't you try it on me". By this time all and sundry around the place were laughing not at me but at the bully. He slunk off never to be a bully again, well not with me he wasn't.  It also helped that our science laboratory technician was into model trains as well so I could join him for lunch in the science techs room and we could shoot the bull a bit.
"David Peters"


Thank you David Peters.

I've had instances when they've starting bullying me in front of teachers and when I become somewhat defensive towards their attitude (because I have moderate anger issues, not sure what it's really called), I get called upon it. Fair enough, I shouldn't react, and sometimes I don't. But even when I don't, they still get away with it, even when there's a teacher present at the time. Then when I get a tiny bit defensive in my responses, I still get called upon it. It's BS. That's the problem nowdays. If teachers were still allowed to be like the ones stated above, school would actually be much better than it is now.
  David Peters Dr Beeching

Location: "With Hey Boy".
A lot depends on the person who is the teacher though, some will jump in while others will not intervene. All people are like this though some that will come to your aid while others turn away or rubber neck. I never had the chance in that altercation to even say a word the teacher did it all for me. Yes they are human too. Try not to get into a lather though when some idiot, and I use the term loosely decides to have a go at you verbally. Try to turn it round on them verbally, by doing much the same as what my teacher friend did. Make them look stupid in front of their friends. It takes practice but once you get it down pat you should have no problems.

Bullies work on the assumption that you will knuckle under and not give them any problems, so give them a few problems verbally that make them look stupid or something. Keep it up at all times though when they try it again. No one can accuse you of any thing doing that. The facts of life will speak for themselves. Sometimes a bully like this is actually envious of you and might be the same as you into something like modelling, but keeps his mouth shut for fear of looking stupid in front of his so called friends.
  sydnytrains Chief Commissioner

Location: McDonalds Front counter serving customers
Thanks David Peters.

I definitely agree with the teachers part. Recently at school I got suspended (it was the 27/5, I know because 2 days later I started work at Maccas) for performing self defence against someone whom has punched my lower left jaw. I gave him about 7-8 kicks to the crotch area. Now I'm not proud of that by any means, as it was school time taken away from me, and the week next was my half yearly exams (it gave me study time though, which was good). However, a teacher had approached me and said that what I done was common logic for an average teenager and that I shouldn't even be suspended, but should only be receiving a detention for about 5 lunch times and 1 after school (which probably would've worked better).

Granted, I was congratulated for defending myself against this kid, however, I didn't see it as something to be proud of. But during that time, he'd been making fun of my interest, the same problem I'm facing now and made the exact same jokes the current people are doing now doing at me. I won't go on a kicking vendettas like I did in May, however I think it is good to stand up for myself. And for a long period, no one had approached me to make fun of my interest.

I just think its disgraceful that it takes me to get suspended for people to wake up for a while and stop making fun of my hobby. But now it's back.
  cootanee Chief Commissioner

Location: North of the border!
This isn't the 70's. You can't go around punching people in the face to win an argument or make a point. Can you out bully the bullies Question

Keep it in perspective and don't make yourself a target - your hobby doesn't need to define who you are. As an adult you'll learn that you need to show a different face to different groups to fit in (i.e. play the game).

Remember you have to interact with the other students every school day. Take on the world you'll probably lose.
cootanee

From someone who's been there and had many years to reflect on what they would have done differently.

You're taking on the world and you're losing.
  Valvegear Dr Beeching

Location: Norda Fittazroy
You may like to reflect on an old saying," A discussion is an exchange of knowledge; an argument is an exchange of ignorance."
If it isn't a discussion, say nothing.
The other point is that belting someone never proves who was right; it only proves who the better fighter is.
  VBAndy Chief Commissioner

Just throw trains at them until they shut up.
  Watson374 Chief Commissioner

Location: Fully reclined at the pointy end.
The other point is that belting someone never proves who was right; it only proves who the better fighter is.
"Valvegear"
Seems that this time sydnytrains was both.
  coxsteve Beginner

The Teacher showed you what works, and while sometime Violence is the only option 99% of the time it is not.

Never think you are alone as way too many children do that and you are at 15 still a child (Nothing wrong with that best times of your life even if it doesn't seem so at the time) What the teacher did was turn things around and actually use that git's bullying against him.

Most Bullies are when all said and done classified as Cowards, Some are Cowards, some are just Braindead but in truth the vast majority are lonely and scared of not belonging so even though they say nothing many actually do not like what happens but rather than be on the outside go alone so as to be included in the group.

Remember it is always the leader you need to take down as all others in the group are already bluffed by them.

As always when confronted with a situation you need to quickly sum it up and sadly only experience that is generally lived will show you the right call for each situation, Nobody else can supply that all we can do is offer an insight into our experiences in life and you then work out what may apply for your individual situation.

But this seems pretty consistent in that when it comes to gangs and bullying and or violent confrontation there is always a leader, they are the leader simply because they are either stronger or they bluffed everyone else, You would be amazed at how many times it is the latter.

Think about it the Teacher alluded to earlier not only challenged that Idiot he used the best tactic against them and it was not violence but Embarrasment.
To embarrass a bully you need to have lots of incidental people around not normally part of who you associate with and when they bully you verbally shove it back in their face in such a way that you not only embarrass them but do it as publically as possible then you will see them crumble and soon nobody will want to be associated with them for in truth they are the outsiders.

Nobody likes a bully even often the bully themselves, So do not go overboard and become what you hate.

By the way your Anger issues absolute crap just normal frustation at the situation you face too many idiots with degrees who would not pass a year 10 exam of 40 years ago telling people they are all screwed up because they do not fit some imaginary model when they are perfectly normal, Anger is a result of frustration learn to deal with it as it is a part of life at times, But use the better judgement of elders like your parents as a guide after all they have already survived longer then you.
  sydnytrains Chief Commissioner

Location: McDonalds Front counter serving customers
I agree as well with Coxsteve, Valvegear and Cootanee.

I haven't heard that saying the Valvegear posted before, however I've heard 'Two wrongs, don't make a right', a particular saying that's quite common.

And in response to Coxsteve, I definitely understand what you mean. However, most 'leaders' of these groups are normally backed up with multiple friends who would defend them if somebody said something 'offensive'. I've had multiple cases where a 'leader' would torment me. When I did react, his friends would do the talking while he sat in the back. The sad thing is, nobody would even try and defend me in these times, so I was by myself. And in response to Cootanee, that's why I seem to 'take on the world'. Because at my school (and same can be said every school), if you're different in anyway (I.e interest, or whether you have autism etc) you're on your own. Just now, I don't have anyone to 'back me up' when I get in certain situations. People just walk past and continue. But if I don't defend anyone in their own grief with others (even if I don't know them) and just walk past and continue, I'm seen as 'inconsiderate', 'ignorant' or a 'dog', which I've been called in the past. And I'm not sure if talking to teachers or the principal would be the best solution. However, I've talked to relatives and closer friends from Sydney about my issues in school. I've also talked to school councillors about my issues aswell.

And in response to VBAndy, that's probably the funniest thing I've seen in a while. Laughing
  Camster Chief Commissioner

Location: Geelong
I can't believe that you have been bullied just because you like trains. I was not bullied at school because of this, but I was bullied quite often. By the time I got to year 12, most of the losers who bullied me had dropped out.
  David Peters Dr Beeching

Location: "With Hey Boy".
Treat his backups the same as you would treat the actual bully use verbal cutting down and make as many as possible look stupid in front of their peers. In most cases once you pull the bully down verbally the rest will back off a bit and give you a bit of room, without their esteemed leader to guide them they are lost like a mob of sheep. Indeed use the mob of sheep idea on them something like "Are you all a mob of sheep now, if your leader jumps off, of a cliff will you all do it blindly as well" and wait for the response that usually comes, someone will  say no I wont, there is the weak link in the chain then and your chance to go deeper verbally and open up some thoughts amongst them. Once you start on them verbally and plant the seed of doubt, their minds take over and they hopefully start squabbling amongst them selves. If that does happen though at school just walkaway quietly no running etc just stroll away as they continue to argue amongst themselves. Hopefully other students will see them and then they will get ridiculled in the end for being a bunch of wimps etc and no one will take notice of them any more.

It will not take long for word to get around though.

Oh one other way to get a bully to shut up is to actually take the bully on at something that you know he cannot win at all. Mine was boxing and I had it all set up one lunch time with a teacher he was going to be the referee and I was going to fight the bully in controlled competition. The bully backed out when I called his bluff. They are all wimps really bullies.
  cootanee Chief Commissioner

Location: North of the border!
... And in response to Cootanee, that's why I seem to 'take on the world'. Because at my school (and same can be said every school), if you're different in anyway (I.e interest, or whether you have autism etc) you're on your own. Just now, I don't have anyone to 'back me up' when I get in certain situations. People just walk past and continue. But if I don't defend anyone in their own grief with others (even if I don't know them) and just walk past and continue, I'm seen as 'inconsiderate', 'ignorant' or a 'dog', which I've been called in the past. And I'm not sure if talking to teachers or the principal would be the best solution. However, I've talked to relatives and closer friends from Sydney about my issues in school. I've also talked to school councillors about my issues as well. ...
sydnytrains

I feel for you... I took on the world at school to prove a point (I liked military stuff and the Liberal Party). If I had my time over I shouldn't have because the grief I experienced wasn't worth it. They end up defining who you are and at 15 they shouldn't.

Back then teachers didn't have much empathy - besides running to them only made you a bigger target.

Easier to just fit in, get on with your schooling, play sport and keep your head down.
  sydnytrains Chief Commissioner

Location: McDonalds Front counter serving customers
Well, my experiences have improved upon in the last 2 days. I usually hang out with a much larger group now who just discuss our lives and couldn't care about what differences we have, because we all meet up on Xbox Live most nights and play games such as Battlefield or Black Ops and talk about funny experiences at school the next day. Though I do get approached by the other guys and start hassling me about my interest. It's just when no ones around, they start their 'jokes'. But other than that, Im definitely having a somewhat better time at school now. Smile
  B 67 Chief Commissioner

Location: Central Gippsland
Like many, I copped a bit of bullying in school too (early 1980s). I never hid my interest in railways, but didn't go on about it either. I often spent spare time in the library looking through railway and model railway books when most others were looking at cars and trucks. I do remember one bully trying to belittle my railway interest with comments (in front of his mates, naturally) along the lines of. "Oh wook. He wikes choo choo twains". I just asked how this was any different to his interest in "Brmm Brmm Cars"? (yes, I actually said Brrm brrm cars Embarassed). Naturally he pounced on my use of "Brrm Brrm Cars", totally ignoring his own childish speak earlier. So I pointed this out to him. His mates had a giggle over that and I had no more hassles from him over my train interests. Laughing

Now that I think about it, I was pretty lucky at school really, when it came to the train interest. A couple of the teachers were also into model trains, so that may have helped. I even managed to integrate my hobby into classes on several occasions. We did woodcarving in art classes on one occasion. I managed to carve a VR S class loco and 3-car passenger train in N scale (one piece), and made a diorama for it of it, using some N scale track and bogies. It ended up on display on the school principle's desk for a month. Another student (different class) built a HO trestle and worked on a layout module in class as well. Another time everyone had to design a car in graphics, cut the chassis in woodwork and build the body in art classes. Well, everyone else made a car about 20cm long. A train wasn't going to work. So I built a 30cm long bus. Rolling Eyes

It's not easy dealing with bullies at times. I can recall a couple of times that I did hit back at them, with unintentionally amusing results, mainly because they were taken totally unexpecting a physical reaction from me. And the physical reaction? It was a mere push. And both times they ended up on the ground or floor One occasion was in class with a teacher, who, fortunately, knew me well enough to know that whatever I did to the bully (he didn't see me do anything) was almost certainly justified. He just told everyone to get back to work. It was very difficult for me to keep from bursting out laughing.
  David Peters Dr Beeching

Location: "With Hey Boy".
I am not going to say this will work today but one bully at my school years back really gave me a hard time of it. That was till I found out his parents were just making enough to put him through school. He never went on trips or away with the rest of us and his uniform at school was not the best his study was not what you would call brillant either. All the rest of us simply took it for granted that mum or dad would pay up for things. Anyway when I found this out I confronted him one day away from his mates and he conceded that his parents were poor, so I just said to him come over to my place on the weekend and we can have some fun. He turned up and I had a model train set up at the time and he spent the whole day there having fun, no prangs or anything he enjoyed himself and started to come over ever Saturday after that to run the model trains I had. By the way my parents were not that well off either, but his were almost destitute compared to mine.

The next time one of his group of so called friends said something about my hobby that was not nice, he simply told them to shut up and do something constructive. I almost fainted when he blurted it out.  He turned a new leaf and his so called friends deserted him almost, but he became a good friend of mine in the end. He now is into model planes I think, but I cannot hold that against him.

It probably would not work like this today, but try to find out what lies behind his bullying he might just need help from someone but does not know how to ask for it or something along these lines. His friends are just yes men though in most cases and have nothing better to do with their time than to cause trouble. They probably all would like something to do to keep themselves occupied and out of trouble but again are too macho to ask for help. Just an idea that might be the problem!
  sydnytrains Chief Commissioner

Location: McDonalds Front counter serving customers
In response to B 67, I too used to go to the library in Y7, but I went on a computer to do my reading. I even used to visit Railpage a few times during school. Nobody ever questioned me in a bad way back then though. I was usually praised a lot, because everyone used to ask me which directions they take to get from x to y. My interest of trains and railways was seen as unique and was always given good feedback. It was only till I moved to Perth, that it all began, the jokes, the bullying and harassment. From Kindergarten all the way up to Y9, I was always popular for my pure interest in railways.

In a woodwork class, we were to design anything and carve it out of chunks of wood, about 15cm wide and 60cm in length. I designed a CityRail (back then) S set ComEng trailer carriage to be mine, while others chose cars, houses and all other sorts of things that interest teens these days. It took a while, because I carved the main body frame first, then used a piercing saw to cut out the windows and this other tool to carve out the door frames. When I finished, mine was deemed one of the best projects ever to be made, and got credit from everyone, which was great, but there were other projects which looked fantastic too, and had a lot of effort put in it. I think I got 99% for that particular project.

In response to David Peters, there's one guy who gives me flak for my interest nowadays. But I while back someone showed me a picture of one of his 'possessions', and even now, I give the name of 'Gayboy', mostly because he owns something which I will not mention here for the sake of the rules of the forum for not giving out explicit content. That's all I will say from here onwards, but the best thing is, when he makes jokes about me, I fight back, in which he just goes somewhere else. Very Happy
  newington Chief Commissioner

Location: Here, very occasionally.
I used to cop it here and there for hobbies, though I never really let the cat out of the bag, it was only one post on facebook that started a bit of the murmurings of "oh really? that's g@y!" type thing.

Take it out on something, be it a sport, an interest, or something. Footy's usually a good start, rage makes you hit harder and run harder, but thats not for everyone.
  andrew1996 Train Controller

Location: Fremantle
Come down to RHWA Bassendean!
  David Peters Dr Beeching

Location: "With Hey Boy".
You might try the Japanese cure for bullying. Take a bean bag, a longish wooden pole , and a photograph of your enemy. Enlarge said photo and stick on bean bag, grab hold of stick and start thumping the guts out of the bean bag. You can wallop him all you like and vent your frustrations at him.

A friend went to Japan years back and visited a factory and they had a whole room set up this way. The bean bags all had photos of the bosses on them so when one cheesed you off you went to the room on your break and beat the stuffing out of him. No one gets hurt and you build your muscles up a bit doing it.

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