PTV, Metro and Vline Announcement
To avoid customer (they mean passenger) inconvenience and to ensure that you reach your destination on time (haha) please note that trains will run at alternate times during the current shambles caused by the Liberal Party. The new timetable will commence with the first train tomorrow and will apply to all lines except for express trains which are not running are scheduled. In this case the next scheduled express will be regarded as the alternative service.
All other trains will be cancelled except where listed unless other notice is given to the contrary except for those trains unlisted since the last amendments prior to the issue of the latest timetable which has now been amended to cater for the current emergency except for those amendments which have been advised as not applicable for today only.
Remember that passenger and staff safety is our number one priority and we are, after all, building a tunnel which will not affect your line but which will allow you to get to/from Geelong in 20 minutes in about 100 years.
Media Tart (Minister for Spin, the flashy flak jacket and the shiny crash hat industry)